Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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