Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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