We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
