Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
