Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
