i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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