C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
