You work out of a Hotel?
I'm eating all of the evidence.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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