whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
