i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Randomize
