she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
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