I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
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