you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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