i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
just tell him i said nine months
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
