I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
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