A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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