Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
