My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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