guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
you didnt know i had herpes?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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