It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
