I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Im part way to drunk.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
