need another drink. this is the easiest way
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Randomize