I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
