"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
