Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
