The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Holy sore nipples Batman
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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