I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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