That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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