It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
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