remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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