I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
