My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
it's like heaven, but drunker
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize