i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
