tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
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