Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
