Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I deserve this hangover.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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