Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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