I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
