i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
