Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
