I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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