i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
