Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Randomize
