you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
