k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dignity is for republicans.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
