I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
