So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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