Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
