...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Just cropdusted the office
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
