you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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