chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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