He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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