GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
