i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
