So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
