i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
