My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
