Plan B is the new Plan A
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize