I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
