pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
it was like his penis was on wheels.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
