I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My vagina just recognized that song.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Randomize
