Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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