Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
