All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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