Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
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