Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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