so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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