SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize