Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
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