around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
