I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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