just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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