ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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