Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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