I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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