I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
