Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
