Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
