yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
