i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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