She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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