I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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