I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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