I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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