first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
