every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
