Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I want to stick my p in your. b.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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