I'm drive I can fine osifer
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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