I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
