I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
