Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
