we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i drank out of a bidet.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
