Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
