Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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