so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
