its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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